Monday, November 10, 2008
I kinda felt lost at the start of today.Tried talking to my mum about my future,what I can do,what i want to do
Its just no use,I could tell she wasn't taking me seriously,probably thinking I'm still small kid in need of guidance.
Guidance from her
She just goes on and on about how I should continue taking engineering in Uni or if not sign on in the army if I get a good post,and earn alot starting young,like my eldest cousin is doing.
But I can't..Its gotta stop.
Its only a certain distance where parents can guide you,where you need them to.After that you gotta pick what you really want.
I can't pick engineering,my interest,my desires in life,its not there.
I can't sign on either,My greatest dream is freedom,to be free to go anywhere i want,to see the whole world,do all the things i can,like..like bungee jumping,sky diving and alot more that's out there.
Ok i know to most people I'll sound like a small kid,I can't blame them if they thought I was not being realistic,I mean..my own parents don't take me seriously when I honestly open to them about my important things to do in life,so who would anyway?
And I did realize its true that fear keeps a person in check,more so in our tiny country.
With tax for nearly anything the government can lay its eyes on,and the deadly fluctuations of the economy,many of our families are being affected,some more worse than others.
Because of how its always been like that,young people who often grow up with dreams that they CAN accomplish,drop it,give it up,for the sake of being in line.Fear that stepping out of the line that's been set as the norm will easily lead to instability in their financial lives and the financial lives of their family.
Its terrible,all this way,in sec schl,in poly,even now,I see countless people giving up the careers where their interest,and talents lay,and instead sit at a desk,for the sake of keeping together what they have.And they do that,all the way,till the day they retire,or die.
How many of you have asked your parents before,if they manage to live out their dreams,do what they really want.Many of em give em up for what they later use as an excuse and tell their kids "its cos i couldn't that i wan the best for u,so that you can".But in the end its like a neverending cycle.
Alright,this is where people will say I'm selfish,but I can't,I can't give up the things i want to do,I can't give up pursuing my interests for some deskjob at some office.Even if the deskjob pay is high.
Many of us end up living under the expectations of parents,walking in a direction shown by them;so much so so few bother to ask themselves "what do I really wanna do?"
I took engineering in poly because of encouragement and expectations of my parents,and I had to learn it the hard way,through multiple failures,that living under other peoples wants won't lead to happiness and success.Its what YOU want that will really make the difference between up and down.
That's why I'm not gonna take engineering in Uni,its out.My mum laughed at me when I told her about my interests in psychology,or Arts.
But I really don't find it funny.
I'm an idiot in the sense where I don't get intimidated by the things others get intimidated by.
I refuse to destroy my passions and interests because of income stability or anything like that.I never loved money,and I don't want to,cos it can't give me my happiness.
People who often venture out of the usual pampered circle often never get any support,care or concern from others simply because they chose to take a different path.
But you know what
They're the ones that get both success and happiness of life at the end of the race.
Not the one that gets intimidated by life's hurdles.
All its really takes,is courage.