Monday, November 3, 2008
I kinda stopped talking to people on msn,well at least stopped talkin with most peopleI'm getting kinda sick of this
I realize when I see other people I know,being always so active and happy,its cos they got friends
And I meant, Real life friends,not just some bunch of people you meet from online sources
I think that's what separates me and most others
Its all fun having people to chat with but even then it only goes so far,there are some things that can't be expressed through mere msn chatting whatsoever
I lack in real life friends..alot
sigh...to the point I only feel envious and to certain degree,unfair jealousy towards those who have that kind of company that i lack.Going out often with company,or even at home still in the midst of friends they know.It might be hectic at times,but I sure won't mind
true that some friends i met from places like maplestory eventually became real life friends
like mouse,celest,and opusrepublic
I tink I realize my reason for loving my guild.Even though its usually only once a year that we go out together as a group,its the one time where i can feel I'm not alone.Its a pretty pathetic link,but still one nevertheless.
I'm drifting away from people I never met in real life before,I just lost interest in them,they can't make me feel any better,because they're never really there
When my com breaks down one day,and my phone spoils,what then? These people who never even seen me in reality can't do nuts
I rarely tell people anything,I hate people taking pity or any of that,I've also gave up on people saying "I'll be there,thats wad friends are for" bla bla,its all just cheap talk,just a way to produce a good first impression
When countless people said that and never meant it,you'll obviously stop believing
I think till now,I haven't completely trusted anyone,
Some are well on their way to earning it though
But the only person I did trust fully is missing anyway
tsk..
I can't seem to confide into anyone my feelings or my thoughts,not that I don't want to,but until I know that person is someone I can lay it on,I probably never speak.Its hard to cos I only open to someone when they open up to me first,until people take the risk and confide their lives to me,I cannot speak in a deeper level.
Because until then I can't feel a connection
How fitting